3 Simple Secrets To Be Confident In Meetings

Does your heart rate go up when you’re name gets called in meetings? Are you constantly thinking of what to say or what question to ask so you can be seen and heard? OR are you so afraid to say something because you don’t want to sound dumb? Or maybe worse than that… someone is curious about the comment you just made and you’re afraid you won’t have an answer for them? You’re not alone. And this was me for the majority of my career. Today I’m going to give you 4 simple but highly effective tips that most people don’t know… that can break the cycle… just like I did.

INTRO

This was exactly me for so much of my career. I would be so scared to say something in a meeting because what if I said something dumb and everyone found out that I wasn’t smart enough or as talented as they thought I was. What if I said something that had NOTHING to do with what we were talking about??? I’d say something dumb. I’d get fired. Lose my house. Be homeless… I knew deep down that that wouldn’t happen… or maybe, but that is how I genuinely felt. So much pressure to be seen and heard because that’s how you get ahead or at the very least how you don’t get fired…

But you know what? I know from experience that 60-70% of the other people in that meeting feel the same way. Now if the meeting was 3-4 people… easy… but if there were 10 or more??? And there were executives in there??? Forget about it! I was a clam and each time someone made eye contact with me my heart would RACE!!! Comment down below if you’ve experienced this and let me know what it felt like and what thoughts were going through your head.

I can tell you though the exact moment this started to change for me… I was at a Netflix Product Innovation offsite. All of the product directors and VPs were there. Probably 25-30 people and we were set up in a square all facing the middle so there was nowhere to hide. There was no front of the room or back of the room. We were all exposed. We went around the room stating our intentions for the offsite and even that had me anxious. I didn’t want to say something that someone else already said because that would mean I don’t have any independent thoughts of my own… AND I didn’t want to say something that didn’t feel meaningful enough for me to be there. I forgot what I said so don’t hold it against me… this was like 7 years ago, BUT I know I was nervous as hell because I felt like everytime I spoke, my job, my reputation, my future was in the balance. It wasn’t… ever… but that’s how it felt.

So… getting to strategy number 1. GET RID OF THE PRESSURE TO PERFORM

I get it… easier said than done. But it is possible. It takes practice, but it helped ME do, was to be more present and not feel like I always had to say something. My leader told me that day that she doesn’t keep count on how many questions or comments that I make… and that it is ok to say something but it’s also ok to not say something. She said if I feel compelled and have something insightful to add or ask, go for it… but if I don’t, then don’t. Don’t sweat it. I know it sounds simple, but just having that expectation set for me by her and myself allowed me to be more present.

Let me explain. When I was so caught up and stressed about what I was going to say or ask in meetings… the conversation would keep moving. So I was always behind because I was thinking about the last point and whether or not what I had to say was 1. Smart enough and 2. Relevant. And by the time I convinced myself it was… the conversation shifted and I missed my “moment”. It was a viscous cycle and I hated it. So taking this pressure off of not having to chime in all the time made it much easier for me to follow the real time conversations. I was more present and I could speak… OR NOT… on what was being said in the moment… and I know, I know… You’re a “processor”. You need time to think and process… I am too… BUT… if it is a conversation about what you do everyday… how much processing do you need really? If you do, then the last tip might be best for someone like you…

Tip 2. Is one that I’ve used to help others but it helped me out a ton. During that same offsite, I was the only Creative Executive there. Most were Product Managers and Engineering Leaders. During one of the breaks, I mentioned to another exec that I felt out of place. I was the only creative in this room full of product people. Why was I there? Then he looked at me and said, what does it tell you that you’re the only creative executive here? And me being stressed and anxious, I said I didn’t know what it means… What it meant was that I was the ONLY voice of creative… That from a creative perspective, my voice was the most important. I represented an organization of 150 people who delivered on so many of the plans we were creating in this room. SO… not only was I representing myself and my team, but no one else in the room understood creative timelines, deliverables, turnaround times… the whole shebang. And if I didn’t give my perspective and thoughts… No one would understand or they’d miss the creative context altogether.

So tip 2. YOU’RE IN EACH ROOM FOR A REASON… people don’t just invite you to make the meeting bigger. Your perspective. Your opinion. Your expertise is important and they WANT it… they NEED it. Let me say that again… They WANT it and they NEED it. If I didn’t speak for creative… who would??? People value your thoughts and perspective… don’t rob them of that… AND don’t make them figure it out on their own. We know how that ends…

And next. The third tip I have for you on this is USE YOUR GUT AND BE TRANSPARENT. Don’t pretend or try to fake that you know what you’re talking about. If you don’t know something, be honest about that. Say, “I might have missed it, but…” or something to that effect. Be mindful, but also ask the question you need to understand. 9 times out of 10, someone else has the same exact question as you. And if something doesn’t make sense to you… it probably doesn’t make sense to other people too. We all have different levels of book smarts and street smarts… and we as humans know when something just doesn’t feel right. If you feel that… then ask.. It’s better to ask and know… than to assume and get it wrong… If you follow my channel, I talked about how I lost Netflix 2 million dollars on a sunk project but worked there for another 6 years... Maybe… just maybe if someone asked the right question during that project, we could’ve saved that money. We had a gap in knowledge and we didn’t question ourselves. We needed someone to simply ask… does this still make sense to do? But no one did. We didn’t see it because we were too close to it. You could be the one to provide that “a-ha” moment.

And as promised… for us processors… the final tip isn’t about speaking up in meetings. WHAT?!?!?! Isn’t that what this videos about??? Yes.. but hear me out… This last one is for you and for other folks who might need more time to truly understand. An example… I led teams in 7 countries. English is NOT everyone first language so I had to learn as a leader and peer to acknowledge that our meetings were ran in English and that isn’t easy for everyone… How would I feel if our meetings were ran in German? In Korean? I wouldn’t stand a chance. Maybe spanish… but still… no chance for this guy.

So… the final tip is… 4. SHOW UP IN OTHER WAYS. uhh… what does that mean mister cryptic? Well… meetings aren’t the only ways work gets done… AND it’s not the only form of communication right?. Most companies now use slack, comments in documents, email, so many other forms of communication outside of verbal. Shoot… I would even record quick loom videos that i could edit or re-record if I didn’t like it. There are so many other ways to show up… Pick which works best for you and just KILL IT… get those comments in. ask your questions in slack. Show up like never before. This can even make you more confident in meetings because you have read the documents (because we all pre-read, am i right?) you’ve already asked questions… your pump is primed…

So you’re not going to be cured just by watching this video. It’ll take practice and letting go of those FEARs. Those false expectations appearing real. You can steal that if you want. Write it down. (False Expectations Appearing Real)

BUT… if you can take the pressure off and be more present. If you believe that you’re in every meeting and room for a reason because they WANT and NEED your perspective. If you use your gut, intuition and just be honest and transparent… AND Finally… if you can show up in other ways… it WILL get easier. It will take time, but just like everything, practice makes better. Right… not perfect… makes better…

What do you have to lose? But… more importantly… what do you have to gain?

Thanks for watching. I hope you enjoyed this video. If you did, please like and subscribe. If you want more of me hit up riconasol.com and I’ll see ya next time…